The time between newsletters is getting longer and longer… the events are getting stronger and stronger… and the realizations are coming so fast and furious that there seems nowhere to logically begin to share experiences!
Is this how life is rolling out for you too?!
It has also been said that this is how it will go from now on, and if anything, buckle up cause it’s going to speed up!
So the dilemma as I contemplate where to start is the confusion around where I am.
Perhaps I can clear this up for myself with you here. Integration is imperative.
Poking at ourselves endlessly – cause that’s just our “way” of living – becomes complicated at some point, because one experience hasn’t fully “blended in” before another is loaded up. But there is a beauty in that, too.
So, I’ll begin where I’ve ended. Just recently, after a trip to Hawaii that included a visit with dear friends James and Marise on the Big Island (who are now cut off from their home by lava – a life passage in its own right) we came home to one of the most powerful Cacao Journeys we’ve ever held.
What was so amazing? Just… everything.
New people diving in so deeply. Veterans of years of Journeys sharing the energy of their passage…at one point, I stood in front of a young man of about 25 years, who has come for almost two years already, shining the Ajna Light inches from his face, thinking: “You go, Jeff. You bet I’ll hold this Light for you.” And I just leaned a hip into the couch beside me and settled in to shine the Light till he seemed “done” – and the camaraderie of this young gentleman and this 60-year old woman fearlessly walking this road was deliciously indescribable.
The bond of a common Goal. The gratitude of a shared Path. Palpable. Precious. Perfect.
Then a sweet young man who has recovered from addiction through yoga sang the most powerful Mantra in Kundalini Yoga – the Mool Mantra – in the most elegant way, singing us out of our Ceremony. It felt like the Divine was Loving us up in every way imaginable.
The next weekend we hosted Jerry for his Wisdom of the Voice one-day workshop and for the first time I really understood and heard the overtones we can create with our voices. Heard that magical sound that “no one is really making” but you cannot deny is there. Something new created through the presence of two. The voice holds so much! So powerful! SO cathartic.
A personal Journey into the universe…
The next weekend we took a personal Journey into the Universe.
I touched the grief of humanity and let my voice and tears find the depth of the sadness we carry at how we ARE with each other. I heard cries come from within my belly I would never have attributed to my self – soft, keening moans of the most exquisite mourning. And tragically, wracking sobs. It was an incredible relief to have that OUT of my body, expressed by my Soul, embraced by my Heart.
The next weekend we hosted a Family Constellation with guest Facilitator Brigitte Sztab, as well as Paul and Sayde and Bo’s Instructor, Jan Hull, in their FC Facilitator Training programs. Constellations are incredible.
As we “step in” to “channel” someone’s family for the resolution of traumas from many generations, it isn’t surprising that our own wounds are what we are actually stepping into – it’s never an “accident” when you end up in your own deepest wound.
I found this especially true as I crawled on hands and knees to the “Grand-Mother” in the Constellation, as the “mother”, and finally laid my head in the lap of the woman whose love has always puzzled me, and finally received. With my own daughter standing at the end of this line-age of mothers. Wow.
And while all of this has been happening, a drama in my life has been brewing that has squeezed me so tightly that I finally cracked wide open. With all that stuff above pushing and shoving my energy this way and that, leaving so little room to THINK, that without realizing it, my deepest wound came up for air.
And I realized that this wound has been like an ancient whale, massively moving the currents of my life, deep beneath the surface – sending things flying, bobbing, swirling – for decades!
All of my years, really.
And as it rose to the surface, the suction of the breach, the slapping of the landing, the echo of the splash, all created so much internal chaos that there was nothing left, but to surrender.
And to realize that the breach is often the deepest breath a whale takes – using massive amounts of energy to come out of the water to gulp at Life.
Oh, My God.
And seeing the effects of this massive energy moving through a life took so much courage I could barely do it. So much shame at the pain my wounded self has spread through this life.
But what a Gift!
Once that’s done, it’s done. Once that’s done, an almost eerie quiet comes over the Soul as a lot of the protection is no longer required. Life seems so doable.
Nothing can be worse than facing that wound. Nothing can be more exquisite than surviving it.
And i lived!
And so, as the drama wound down, and I realized I was going to live through it, I picked up my Course in Miracles book to see what today’s Lesson is – 194!
How absolutely amazing. The final Giant Stride – #7 – of the Course. “I place the future in the Hands of God.” The Lesson that, if accepted, will take you “past countless obstacles and set your foot on the lawns before the gate of Heaven. Resting untroubled in God’s Hands, sure that only good can come to you.” Removing the block to remembering your Self by dealing with the “fear of future pain” – to BE in timelessness – “a moment OUT of time”, in which you breach the bondage of this illusion and are no longer a slave to time, transformed – a true remedy for anxiety, depression, guilt and shame …all thoughts of “sin”.
Just imagine how our entire attitude towards every moment in our life would change if we deeply and fully KNEW that our future was held in the Hands of a Loving Energy that took immeasurable, never-ending care of you.
What if our so-called “normal” state – which has been described as “the rumble of panic underneath everything” (Ernest Becker – The Denial of Death) – were to shift into absolute TRUST in God – or whatever you call the unnameable energy that animates everything.
There would be NO PAST to fear the future WITH! The present would be all that we have – a TRUE Gift.
A REAL Present. I am ready for THIS Gift. I am willing to accept a TRUE Gift. “Every breath is a Gift” – that’s what the sticker on my laptop says! The other sticker says “WE ARE BLESSED” – yes, we are! – because we can always accept the Present.
The Gift of NOW.
Namaste, My Love,
Kathie & Paul P.S. When I read this to Paul (I usually do) we were just about to do the next ACIM Lesson – 195 – “Love is the way I walk in Gratitude”. I love this delicious bit in this Lesson: “Then let our brothers lean their tired heads against our shoulders as they rest a while. We offer thanks for them. For if we can direct them to the peace that we would find, the way is opening at last to us. An ancient door is swinging free again…”