Just the other day
The other day, all the fear and anxiety collected and came out apparently unprovoked…hehehe. And when you sling one of those fire balls you KNOW it immediately! Bam! It’s gone off like a bomb right in front of you and there you are again – faced with that decision…to fess up or cover up. Well, once the “fess up” is fully ON in daily life it’s like peripheral vision has opened up! The things you see about yourself and how you take care of your construction of your “reality” is suddenly SEEN – by YOU! This really came home the other day as I saw a pattern yet again and felt so much SHAME that I couldn’t help but wonder how people who have done something spectacularly, obviously out of line must feel and I couldn’t help but marvel at the human spirit’s capacity to contain this thing – shame – and how someone manages to COPE with huge gobs of it at once and still seem SANE. My God.
It’s a brave world we live in today
It’s a brave world we live in today. We navigate our lives with all the dignity and grace we can allow…keeping a steady course with our eye on expressing our gifts and our truth…we’re all in this now…growing through the rawness of brand spankin’ new awarenesses and Awakening to the fullness of this Existence through Service to Love. To serve Love through our own uniqueness with a vision of true Oneness within, and all around, should be simple, but it isn’t always. Do our words en-COURAGE? Do we find JOY in our service to others? What creates that inner contraction that pulls us back from Love? What wound are we protecting so fiercely we cannot allow another to “touch” it, let alone look at it ourselves? Yet manifestations of our wound keep coming at us like zombies in an end-of-the-world horror movie. Opportunities to shift our perception walking towards us endlessly – responding to that vibration we are emanating that only we can’t seem to notice – but its pulling towards us what we seem to not want and repelling what we say we do! How’s that happening?!!
A gob of frustration…
Well, all of this can add up to a gob of frustration at not creating a life we enjoy and that dang proverbial straw that broke the poor camel’s back is here again… The other day, all the fear and anxiety collected and came out apparently unprovoked…hehehe. And when you sling one of those fire balls you KNOW it immediately! Bam! It’s gone off like a bomb right in front of you and there you are again – faced with that decision…to fess up or cover up. Well, once the “fess up” is fully ON in daily life it’s like peripheral vision has opened up! The things you see about yourself and how you take care of your construction of your “reality” is suddenly SEEN – by YOU! This really came home the other day as I saw a pattern yet again and felt so much SHAME that I couldn’t help but wonder how people who have done something spectacularly, obviously out of line must feel and I couldn’t help but marvel at the human spirit’s capacity to contain this thing – shame – and how someone manages to COPE with huge gobs of it at once and still seem SANE. My God. It’s a very, very intense time right now on our Earth – and I thought it was intense a few years ago! – but this is a white-hot fire…burning away… burning away all that I/we/us must have singed from the soul. Purified with this intensity. Be as brave as required to claim your gift of ever-deepening love; surrender to the growing kindness and compassion we are increasingly holding for each other. That has been the most amazing sweetness – the softening growth of true compassion for self and others and the VASTNESS of this epic journey. And sometimes, when we are not met with kindness or compassion, from ourselves or another, it can be taken as a sure sign that you’re READY for the “opportunity” to see a new layer of “stuff” and not only are you unable to protect yourself from this new fire but in a wildly hysterical kinda way you’re READY because you KNOW that EVERYTHING has conspired to open your heart to yourself – a new expansion of your heart! When we’re incapable of protecting (shutting down) our heart it could also be that life has been orchestrated in such a way by the Universe that we may feel stuck right where we are and know we’ll stay right there until our heart breaks open. An interesting thing happened for me as we decided to start the 365 Daily Lessons of A Course in Miracles on December 1st instead of January 1st – just couldn’t wait another month – and the day after ALL these juicy nuances to the many lessons of living life came crashing into my heart the lesson of the day was Lesson 13’s “A meaningless world engenders fear.” and at the end of the Lesson it adds “because I think I am in competition with God.”
And here i was, thinking…
And here I was, thinking that it is just all of us humans orchestrated to endlessly compete with each other! Now, the night before, in our Quantum Life weekly circle, SO much came through in the group’s sharing and SO much was pulled together through the experiences shared by others, that it was truly ILLUMINATING – to share all this and then to see….to see that when I feel shame is when I feel like I am SO vulnerable because there is an unseen and unknown FORCE about to punish me and I am squirming. I am SOO sorry. I know I am caught and I am afraid of the punishment. We all think we don’t have this program running because it is SO DEEP in there! Wow! And to understand, that thinking I compete with “God” is the source of the shame, can start the unraveling. And then the realization that the source of the intense fear and anxiety (and how it convinces me that I will die of this) is my shameful state and that my untrained mind – actually, my well-trained but direly misdirected mind! – simply needs to FORGIVE ITSELF for “humaning” is the quiet “walk-away” that I’ve been waiting for! MUCH to my surprise. Shame creates and generates the internal catastrophizing. So, what do we do about it? Surrender to it. Wallow in it. Roll around in it. Cover yourself in it. So you can see its False Evidence Appearing Real – just FEAR again. And then pretend you KNOW. Fake it till you make it. Pretend you KNOW that you are Loved beyond measure and you compete with no one. In a world built on competition, it is brave indeed to let go and let yourself FEEL all the HOPE you need to! All the TRUST you can! All the LOVE that’s yours!
i LOVE how the Universe brings me everything I Need!
I LOVE how the Universe brings me everything I need! Right on time! Cause I found myself in a waiting room…reading Vanity Fair, a magazine I would never buy now…reading about the antics of young Margaret Trudeau in the 1970’s and 80’s, struggling with bipolar disorder, splashed across the pages of every international tabloid, and the shame she had to overcome to feel worthy enough to pull her life together after tragedies both related and unrelated to her dis-ease, and there it was – my answer to wondering what do people DO when they have done something spectacularly, obviously out of line and HOW do they COPE with the shame heaped on them…how does the human spirit contain this unnatural thing – shame – and manage to COPE with HUGE gobs of it at once and still seem SANE. Or not seem sane, but remain alive. Well, apparently, Margaret has a big HEART. HUGE. And has “re-invented” herself as a serious person with a serious message after spending the best years of her life making the worst possible decisions, played out for the world to see and ridicule. “And has managed to pull (this) off, armed with perspective and grit and humour and the UNYIELDING belief that, somehow, tomorrow has the potential to be better than today!” Vanity Fair Well, thank you, Margaret Trudeau. Who knew? Asked by her son Justin, when he became a father, what the secret to being a great parent was, she replied “Love. Before and above all else, be filled with love for your children, no matter what the circumstances” And despite her behaviour and the world’s opinion of it, he said “But long before she told me that, she showed me that, all through my life.” Give yourself a break in the shame game – see where the opinions of others is creating your internal struggle. Trust that tomorrow has the potential to be better than today. Love every child like they’re your own – or at least consider that option, to some degree. And let go of the guilt of thinking you should know how to do all this right now…and open your heart to the Amazing Intelligence of Life Force Energy – Universal Love, in All Its Glory. May your heart expand and may LOVE & Blessings GALORE seep into you through every break in your heart. And Merry ChristMass. May the Light of Love shine on you and all whom you love! Namaste, Kathie & Paul